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Post by Wookiee on Mar 23, 2006 14:22:56 GMT -5
"Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a friend's forehead."
- Chinese Proverb
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Post by Wookiee on Mar 23, 2006 16:23:33 GMT -5
"You can't leave footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?"
- Anonymous
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Post by Wookiee on Mar 23, 2006 16:37:23 GMT -5
"Time's fun when you're having flies."
- Kermit the Frog
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Post by Wookiee on Mar 23, 2006 16:59:38 GMT -5
"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people."
- G.K. Chesterton
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Post by Wookiee on Mar 23, 2006 17:02:03 GMT -5
"Fish and visitors stink in three days."
- Benjamin Franklin
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beck15
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by beck15 on Mar 26, 2006 0:49:03 GMT -5
An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be. hey!! ;D |
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beck15
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by beck15 on Mar 26, 2006 0:59:28 GMT -5
>>What is the difference between girls aged:
>>
>>8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?
>>
>>
>>At 8 - You take her to bed
>>and tell her a story.
>>
>>At 18 - You tell her a story
>>and take her to bed.
>>
>>At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story
>>to take her to bed.
>>
>>At 38 - She tells you a story
>>and takes you to bed.
>>
>>At 48 - You tell her a story
>>to avoid going to bed.
>>
>>At 58 - You stay in bed
>>to avoid her story.
>>
>>At 68 - If you take her to bed,
>>that'll be a story!!
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Post by Wookiee on Apr 11, 2006 11:16:05 GMT -5
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.
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Post by Wookiee on Apr 11, 2006 11:21:50 GMT -5
Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, "Danger! Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, bank account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends."
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Post by Wookiee on Apr 11, 2006 11:23:28 GMT -5
To successfully keep robbers out of your house put six locks on your door. When you go out, lock every other one. No matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
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Post by Wookiee on Apr 11, 2006 11:26:26 GMT -5
One in every four Americans has some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, than its you.
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Post by The Ancient Brit on Apr 11, 2006 15:49:57 GMT -5
"Much can be done with a Scotsman, provided he be caught young." Samuel Johnson.
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Post by Wookiee on May 5, 2006 17:34:52 GMT -5
So a rabbi, a priest, an Irishman, and a blonde walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?".
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beck15
Junior Member
Posts: 61
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Post by beck15 on May 7, 2006 2:18:38 GMT -5
Official Language of the European Union
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters that have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
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Post by mugley on May 9, 2006 21:58:24 GMT -5
Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains.
To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning,
same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl! Shakes the roof. I watched him all night."
The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly
ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"Good morning," he said.
They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He
said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long."
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