Chess Story

[savin]

A man has been a member of his local chess club for many years. Today is the annual town chess championship and all 16 pairs of contestants are hunched over chess boards in the central plaza of the town. It is a wonderful day and, as tradition dictates, the tournament is being played out doors. There is a small crowd gathered to watch the competition. Clocks are all ticking and there is a hushed quiet in the air as each player looks for an advantage.

One of the players suddenly stands up when he sees a long funeral procession on the walking through the center of town and past the tournament. The other players are all oblivious to the funeral procession and continue analyzing their positions. As the coffin goes by he takes off his hat, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.

His opponent is amazed that he would allow three minutes to tick off his clock and says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

[savin]

[Capablanca used to tell this very story to friends.]

"I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."

"Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board.’I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black with perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"

"I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."

"Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."

"It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."

About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"

"Why, we killed him, of course."

[Blockhead]

ROTFLMAO!!

[The Ancient Brit]

As was usual, the new club member was invited to play the club’s resident master player three games on successive evenings for assessment purposes. The newcomer won the first game. Invited to comment by the club’s committee, the master player said it was beginners luck on the part of the newcomer but he (the master player) would sort him out in their next game.

The newcomer won the second game. “He has an unusual style that took me by surprise, but now I have seen and understood it, I have his measure”, was the master’s comment.

The newcomer won the third game. Asked by the committee for a final assessment, the master replied, “I must admit, he is as good a player as I am.”

[algae]

I am reminded of the story by A. Bertram Chandler in which a professor trained a rat to play chess. At one point he took this rat to the chess club (I think it was New York, but it could have been anywhere). No one would play against the rat because he did not have a grade.