Got [Funny] Chess Quotes?

[Wookiee]

Did you know?

The Japanese confiscated chess books during World War II, thinking they were military codes. Japan did not have an organized chess federation until 1968.

[Wookiee]

Did you know?

The largest number of people playing chess simultaneously took place in Mexico City. More than 10,000 people participated in the chess-a-thon.

[Wookiee]

"Chess players may be divided into three classes: those who don’t know the principles, and are therefore very weak; those who know the principles and are less weak; and those who know how weak the principles are, and are strong."

- C. J. S. Purdy

[Wookiee]

In Iceland there are 14 different words for chess, all spelt and pronounced exactly the same way.

- from Amazing & Untrue Facts

[Wookiee]

In Kurt Vonnegut's short story "All the King's Horses", a communist Chinese officer holds a U.S. ambassador, his family, and a number of enlisted men hostage, using them as chess pieces, and ordering removed "pieces" to be executed. The ambassador is forced to use his own men and family to win the chess game, eventually sacrificing his own son to win the match.

[Wookiee]

There's an advanced rule that most novices don't use, something about "in passing" or "passing gas". It's a trick move that a pawn can do under very special circumstances. I think there's a dutch version of the rules somewhere that describes it... Most people don't bother though.

[Wookiee]

"Surely chess is a sad waste of brains..."

- Sir Walter Scott

[Wookiee]

"War is a crime. Ask the infantry..."

- Hemingway

[Wookiee]

"The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving."

- Ulysses S. Grant

[Wookiee]

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it."

- Jack Handey

[Wookiee]

How To Tell If Your Head's About To Blow Up

From the WEEKLY WORLD NEWS, May 24, 1994

MOSCOW -- Doctors are blaming a rare electrical imbalance in the brain for the bizarre death of a chess player whose head literally exploded in the middle of a championship game!

No one else was hurt in the fatal explosion but four players and three officials at the Moscow Candidate Masters' Chess Championships were sprayed with blood and brain matter when Nikolai Titov's head suddenly blew apart. Experts say he suffered from a condition called Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis or HCE.

"He was deep in concentration with his eyes focused on the board," says Titov's opponent, Vladimir Dobrynin. "All of a sudden his hands flew to his temples and he screamed in pain. Everyone looked up from their games, startled by the noise. Then, as if someone had put a bomb in his cranium, his head popped like a firecracker."

Incredibly, Titov's is not the first case in which a person's head has spontaneously exploded. Five people are known to have died of HCE in the last 25 years. The most recent death occurred just three years ago in 1991, when European psychic Barbara Nicole's skull burst. Miss Nicole's story was reported by newspapers worldwide, including WWN. "HCE is an extremely rare physical imbalance," said Dr. Anatoly Martinenko, famed neurologist and expert on the human brain who did the autopsy on the brilliant chess expert. "It is a condition in which the circuits of the brain become overloaded by the body's own electricity. The explosions happen during periods of intense mental activity when lots of current is surging through the brain. Victims are highly intelligent people with great powers of concentration. Both Miss Nicole and Mr. Titov were intense people who tended to keep those cerebral circuits overloaded. In a way it could be said they were literally too smart for their own good."

Although Dr. Martinenko says there are probably many undiagnosed cases, he hastens to add that very few people will die from HCE. "Most people who have it will never know. At this point, medical science still doesn't know much about HCE. And since fatalities are so rare it will probably be years before research money becomes available."

In the meantime, the doctor urges people to take it easy and not think too hard for long periods of time. "Take frequent relaxation breaks when you're doing things that take lots of mental focus," he recommends.

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Although HCE is very rare, it can kill. Dr. Martinenko says knowing you have the condition can greatly improve your odds of surviving it. A "yes" answer to any three of the following seven questions could mean that you have HCE:

1. Does your head sometimes ache when you think too hard? (Head pain can indicate overloaded brain circuits.)

2. Do you ever hear a faint ringing or humming sound in your ears? (It could be the sound of electricity in the skull cavity.)

3. Do you sometimes find yourself unable to get a thought out of your head? (This is a possible sign of too much electrical activity in the cerebral cortex.)

4. Do you spend more than five hours a day reading, balancing your checkbook, or other thoughtful activity? (A common symptom of HCE is a tendency to over-use the brain.)

5. When you get angry or frustrated do you feel pressure in your temples? (Friends of people who died of HCE say the victims often complained of head pressure in times of strong emotion.)

6. Do you ever overeat on ice cream, doughnuts and other sweets? (A craving for sugar is typical of people with too much electrical pressure in the cranium.)

7. Do you tend to analyze yourself too much? (HCE sufferers are often introspective, "over-thinking" their lives.)

source: web.mit.edu/dryfoo/www/Funny-pages/head-exp.html

[Wookiee]

"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."

- August Strindberg

[Wookiee]

This is True
by Randy Cassingham

Bodycheck, Mate

Hockey, always. Baseball, often. Basketball, sometimes. But fights among players during chess matches? Never! Until Australia’s Grand Prix chess tournament got into full swing, anyway. Players David Beaumont and Alexander Gaft came to blows after Gaft, who had finished his match in the fourth round of the prestigious Doeberl Cup in Canberra, allegedly disturbed Beaumont, who was still playing his match against another player. The Australian Chess Federation is considering banning both players. “Beaumont was sorely provoked but retaliation is no excuse,” said chief arbiter Shaun Press. “How can an intellectual pursuit degrade itself in this way?” (Reuters) ...They should have expected that the moment Fox won the TV rights.

www.thisistrue.com/bodycheck_mate_7136.html

[Wookiee]

[Wookiee]

"Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat."

- Sun Tzu